Here’s the problem. I clearly have a full diaper. But I still have to tap my butt like a baby to let Mom know. So what does she do? She says in a sweet voice, “Do you need a new diaper?” No, I just like tapping my butt. Yes, lady! I’m carrying around 10 hours worth of pee here. Geesh! It’s like a water balloon. Help! So we walk hand-in-hand, just in case she forgets what she’s doing or loses her way, and I lead her into my bedroom. I walk over to the dresser. Trying to keep her attention, I point to the stash of diapers. Focus lady! She lifts me up and lays me down. She takes off my Mickey pajamas and then finally removes the water balloon I’ve been lugging around. Whew! Then she grabs a vroom-vroom pull-up. No, not that one! She asks, “You don’t want this one?” What did I just say, lady? Then she stands me up and tries to get me to step into the vroom-vroom pull-up. I said no! She asks if I want the Elmo diaper. Yeah, sure. So she lays me down again. Wait, no not the Elmo diaper! Stop! Again she asks, “You don’t want this one?” What did I just say, lady? No! Yuck and double yuck. Vroom-vroom, clearly. So she finally gets the right one. Then I point and tell her I want to put it on while lying on my bed. But no, the queen-of-all-things has the audacity to say, “No, we’ll change you here.” But I wanted to stand and step into it! Finally she lets me stand and get dressed like I want to. Then she puts me down! Can you believe it? And she opens my drawer and says, “Pick out your clothes for today.” Like I can do that? “Do you want me to pick them out?” Yes, please! Wait! I want the Mickey t-shirt. Let me find it. This one, now help me put it on. Wait! I hate that t-shirt, what are you doing to me? Get it off! This is one I want. Yes. Now shorts. Wrong ones! Not those! Hate and double hate those. You’re doing it all wrong! Let me pick them out, geesh! Now help me, lady! No, don’t pull them up! I can do that. You did it wrong! I didn’t get to do it! Do it over, do it over! Take them off! Wait, she’s leaving. She’s walking out the door.   She’s abandoning me forever. What did I do? Why does she hate me so much? Oh, good, she’s coming back. Now dry my tears and carry me so I can rest my head on your shoulder. Wait! I need my puppy. No, don’t put me down and tell me to get my puppy! Hold me and go get him! Okay, have puppy, have shoulder to wipe nose on. This was exhausting. I hope this was just a phase she’s going through.