Confessions of a Non-Herbologist

Under the “full disclosure” doctrine, and so people don’t accuse me of only revealing stories that make Ron look ridiculous, I will share a tale of my own stupidity and ignorance.

I recently received a package from my mother. I had forgotten my cell phone charger in Wales, so she took it home and mailed it back to me, along with some vitamins and other little things I couldn’t find in Cairo. In the box was a zip-lock baggie full of fresh green leaves. Considering the source, my mother the consummate cat-lady, I immediately thought it was catnip. (She had brought some dried catnip from her garden when she came over in February.) I handed it to Ron to dish out to the awaiting felines. He took some out, but sniffed it and said he didn’t think it was catnip and suggested it might be basil. Considering my never-ending search for basil, and failed attempt to keep the one basil plant I did find, alive, it was a logical conclusion. So I said okay, and put it in the kitchen without hesitation.

That night I attempted to make a pizza for dinner and thought I’d add some fresh chopped basil. So I picked some leaves, washed them, chopped and applied them liberally to the pizza. The pizza itself did not turn out well, as I was trying a new recipe, but Ron said it tasted okay despite its appearance.

A week later, as I kept forgetting to thank Mom and tell her how I attempted to give the cats basil for a treat, she asked me if the cats liked the catnip she sent.

“What?! You sent basil,” I said.

“It’s too early for basil,” she replied. “Besides, I don’t grow it. It was catnip.”

“Oh.”

Pausing as the reality that I had served my husband a catnip pizza sunk in, I started to laugh uncontrollably. I was finally able to confess to her what I had done. Her only comment, between the laughter, was, “Did it make him sleepy?” I debated whether to admit my failings to Ron, but finally couldn’t keep it in.

The funny part was as I was confessing what happened to Ron, and when I told him the basil Mom had sent wasn’t really basil, he got this really worried look and said, “Was it pot?” I won’t even guess why Ron thought my mother would be growing and shipping psychoactive drugs, but I quickly told him no, it was catnip. There was definite relief on his face, but then I told him that I had subsequently served him a catnip pizza. One of the many reasons I love this man, is that upon finding out what his (true) dip-wife had done, he laughed. And I then confirmed online that catnip is not harmful to adults and is even used to treat anxiety, migraines and stomach cramps. (Whew!) I will now be searching for a Dip Wife class on herbs, leaves and other green bits.

Shopping with My Mom the Movie Star

Over the next several days of Mom’s visit we accomplished a bunch of things, including a visit to the Egyptian Museum. I had arranged for a guide ahead of time so we could really appreciate what we were seeing – this museum truly has one of the most spectacular collections, and if you can decipher the pencil notations on post-it notes that are haphazardly placed around, you might get a glimpse of what you’re looking at, but going with a trained “Egyptologist” is also another route. We also did the requisite shopping and Mom was very good to Egypt’s GDP. She purchased a Khazakstani rug, some alabaster, some hand-blown glass ornaments, papyrus, t-shirts and scarves. And we dropped off a handful of jewelry to be repaired as Cairo is renouned for its gold and silver jewelers and the prices and skill-level are excellent.

As we were running the gauntlet in the Khan, I told Mom not to make eye-contact as that’s inevitably a sign that you will buy something in their shop and they will therefore latch on to you. Also, don’t bother saying, “No, thank you,” to everyone who tells you everything’s a dollar in his stall, or he has “just your size,” or all is free today. You’ll be there forever. It feels rude, but the best way to handle the pushiest of hawkers is to ignore them and often shove past them as they love to stand in your way. Every time I go I get to hear the latest turn of phrase, and with Mom I heard a new one as we rounded a corner and squeezed our way through a pack of idle men, one said to Mom, “I love your hair. You look like a movie star.” Good effort, but we still didn’t shop in his store.

We also took this opportunity to jump across the street to the less-touristy side and wind our way through the stalls to the spice store I’d bought from before. As I made my purchases amongst the local Egyptian women, again employing the, “Yes, of course I belong here” attitude, Mom felt it was worthy of a Kodak moment, and she captured the locals shopping around too. (Maybe that phrase should be “It was a gigabyte moment,” for the digital age?)



We had a few more dinners out, including one at Abu Tarek, a local spot that only serves koshary (the wonderful Egyptian dinner of pasta, rice, lentils, chickpeas, caramelized onions and tomato sauce). As we walked in it was obvious we were not locals, and we were quite possibly the only non-locals, and as we climbed the stairs, we were told each time to keep going up to the next floor, until finally on the third floor Ron refused and said this was fine and we chose a table amongst the local families. We’re not sure whether they put all the non-locals on the top floor for a reason, but our dinner was delicious, extremely filling and the three of us ate for around $10.

Unless you manage to visit Cairo and never take a taxi, it’s inevitable that you’ll have some exciting (read “ridiculous” or “terrifying”) trips. Our taxi to the koshary restaurant was the typical 40-year-old rattling black-and-white, but this one was lacking any substance to the back seat, so Mom and I were sitting in cloth-covered metal wells and being height-challenged Mom couldn’t even see out of the window. And one night we grabbed our friend Ben and the four of us headed to one of our favorite restaurants at Al Azhar Park. The taxi ride to the restaurant started with a first-time experience for us, we were cast out. For whatever reason, the first taxi we got in decided after a few minutes that he didn’t want our fare. He pulled over to the side of the road, said we’d have to get another cab as he didn’t know the way. Very strange, as most drivers who don’t know the way never actually admit it. But we got out, grabbed another taxi and managed to hit particulary horrible traffic; just dead-stopped. We considered giving up, but persevered and finally made it to the park. In the past we’d paid the taxi to wait for us through dinner, but we figured we’d just try grabbing a taxi on our way out as there is typically a line of them waiting. Following dinner, outside, overlooking the lights of the city and the Citadel on the hill, we managed to agree on a price with one of the taxis so we all crammed in. This driver was apparently going for a speed-record as he was flying so fast, whipping in and out of traffic that Mom had a true death-grip on my arm and I heard Ben muttering, “Maybe we can pray for traffic.” We made it home though, and in record time.

One night following dinner, we were walking around Zamalek and Ron suggested we go to a local pastry shop that he and Haitham had tried. Next to the pastry shop is a shisha bar, which is primarily for men to sit at small tables, drink tea and smoke shisha pipes. As we passed it, a waiter came out and said hi to Ron. He remembered Ron from the few times he and Haitham had come here (these establishments are typically not for women to partake in, and I’m fine with personally not experiencing the dingy smoke-filled man-odor-laden little caves). The waiter was telling Ron to come in, he’d get him a table, but Ron indicated that he was with me and Mom and told the guy we had an appointment. “A romantic appointment?” the waiter asked. “No, a family appointment,” Ron answered. “Go with God,” he was told. Not entirely sure what that exchange meant, but it’s probably best not to delve too deep. We continued on our mission, selected an assortment of little Egyptian desserts and shared them back at the apartment.

On another night, we thought it might be fun to do a dinner cruise with a bellydancer. The “Maxim” boat is docked in front of the Marriott Hotel on Zamalek, so we made reservations and headed over. The boat does actually float down the Nile, then back again, during which time you are served dinner and a very pretty dessert.


Throughout the meal you are serenaded by a variety of performers. We first had two women singing various hits from the 80s, which we all quite enjoyed. They were followed by the whirling dervish who was truly fantastic. I do doubt his authenticity though as his outfit lit up as he spun round and round, but it was really wonderful to watch. And finally there was the bellydancer. Mom and I missed her opening as we were out on the deck, but we returned in the middle of her show and I asked Ron how she was. He paused, looked slightly pained, and said, “She’s a bit like Albert. Kinda jerky.” Albert was the frenetic kitten we rescued who was quite a spaz. And as I watched the dancer I could see what Ron meant. She was more of a jumpy bouncing aerobic performer, than an actual bellydancer. I did find myself completely mesmerized by the sturdiness of her outfits though. Talk about a REAL miracle bra!


Day Three with Mom, a Real Excursion

Our third day we were finally successful in actually leaving the house for something other than dinner or mail. Two blocks from our house is the Ceramic Museum. We cannot get home without passing it, and yet prior to Haitham’s arrival I had never gone in. But after visiting with Haitham, I knew that Mom would appreciate it. I wrote the following article for the embassy newsletter about the museum. It’s a little dry, but that’s what you get with pottery (get it, a pottery joke? - the possibilities for frivolity are endless!):

*****
Cairo is a city brimming with more than 30 museums, the collections of which cover everything from agriculture, to military uniforms, and the history of the Egyptian post office. One lesser-known museum boasts ceramics from across the Islamic Empire, dating back to the 9th century, housed in a stunning 20th century palace.

The Museum of Islamic Ceramic Art (Gezira Art Center), located on Zamalek on Al-Gezira Street behind the Marriott, has a small but impressive and well-displayed ceramic collection that spans two floors and over a thousand years. There are more than 300 pieces and remarkable restoration has been done on many of the bowls, plates, pitchers and vases. This collection of Islamic ceramics is considered to be one of the best in the world.

The wide variety and styles of ceramics displayed represent examples from all over the Islamic Empire, including Morocco, Iran, Iraq, Syria, Turkey and Egypt. They also show an interesting progression through Islamic history, starting with the Umayyads in 658 AD, the builders of Islam, who typically created pottery for utilitarian means. However, they were followed by the Abbasids in 750 AD, who were some of the first to import Chinese ceramics and thus changed the concept of pottery from purely practical to potential artwork. They often utilized a peacock-eye design, or repetitive dots and circles, and also created the luster process, in which pieces were fired a second time using a metallic oxide glaze that resulted in a shimmering metallic sheen. The designs of the Fatimids in 969 AD progressed to depict figural and animal styles, typically hares, lions and birds. Under the Ayyubids, in 1171 AD, who were primarily known for their woodwork and metalwork skills, the pottery designs became more intricate and delicate, and added new color variations. Mamluks (1249 AD) were influenced by an increase in Chinese imports, and their pieces reflect more Chinese animals and birds, as well as clouds and the lotus. The Ottoman designs, covering 1517-1919 AD, are some of the more recognizable ones (particularly to us novices), as they tend to utilize feathers, leaves and tulips or carnations, typically in blue, red and turquoise colors. The admiration for Chinese ceramics continued during this period and the influence and imitation can be seen in many of the patterns and styles of the pieces themselves.

The building enclosing these works, the palace of Prince Amru Ibrahim, was built in the 1920s in a mix of Turkish, Moroccan and Andalusian design features, which, to the layman means it’s a really beautiful building. The interior walls are decorated with intricate stucco patterns from floor to ceiling, the floors are marble and wood inlay, there are towering tiled fireplaces in several rooms, mashrabiya windows enhance the exterior, a dome topped with brightly colored stained glass speckles the central room with dots of color and a surrounding garden is currently used to display modern sculptures. The building underwent significant restoration in the late 1990s and has held up impressively.

But, if thousand-year-old pottery doesn’t get you leaping out of bed, and architecture induces yawning fits, come for the temporary modern art collection in the basement, which can include paintings or sculptures made of rusted bolts or performance art video pieces involving a Barbie doll, or just come and enjoy the peace and quiet in a lesser-known Cairo museum.
********

Okay, so I know it was rather heavy on the facts, but I felt it wasn’t appropriate to add in such details as the fact that Haitham and I were admonished for taking photos and were only caught because his flash went off. And that as an employee of the Met in NYC and a purveyor of museums world-wide, it drove Haitham crazy that despite being in large enclosed plexiglass display cabinets, the pieces were covered in dust and fragments of broken lightblubs. We left with Haitham fuming and swearing to write a letter to the head of the museum to offer his observations (I think he calmed down eventually and said letter went unsent). But, as museums go in Cairo, and not comparing them to the Louvre or the Met, the Ceramic Museum is a really lovely collection and the building is well-worth the visit.

The Mom in Cairo

Following our successful cat-transport adventures, Mom and I settled in at home where Ron was waiting for us. We had intentions of going out and “doing the town” our first day, but as is typical, the jetlag had other ideas. I was up from 2:30 to 11:00am, then finally back to sleep to awake at 3:30pm and Mom had similar experiences. We did manage to finally leave the apartment when we picked up Ron at the embassy, along with packages from Uncle Amazon, so Mom was at least able to feel the grit of Cairo air on her face.

Upon waking that first day, Mom stood at our living room window staring out at the small street behind us, the guard shacks, and the enormous dilapidated house across the way surrounded by piles of dust-covered rubble. Her observation, “It looks Biblical,” gave me new insight. I thought it was just dusty.

But then again, there are some sights around that definitely have a “Biblical” feel (if I can claim that), and with Mom saying, “He looks Biblical,” and “That looks Biblical” throughout her visit, they quickly became all the more apparent.





Our second day, we still didn’t sleep well, but I did drag Mom into the embassy for my morning Arabic class. Again, our intentions were to wander afterwards, but a clogged drain and impending rendesvous with an embassy plumber altered those plans, so we walked home. Along the way we had two “offers” to help us cross the street. One was extremely persistent, even following us into the Opera House complex where we inquired about tickets for a ballet. I was pleased that I had to use rudimentary Arabic to learn that the ticket machine was down and we’d have to return later. As we exited the complex Mom pointed out the same man hanging out near the entrance. As we passed he started chatting again, and I brushed him aside and said, “Sakna hena.” (I live here.) His response, “Aw, just smile for me,” set my teeth on edge and my finger itchin’ fer a trigger. I fail to see why strange men around the globe mistakenly think this is charming. I see it as the pedophile’s phrase of choice.

After we ditched him, we continued our walk without any further “aid.” Mom did manage to utter at least two “Why-Would-They?” phrases throughout the day, which goes to show that even the slightest interaction with Cairo cannot be done without such observations. As with all guests, we explain the rules of the “WWT” game and will not stand for any attempts to slip by with a “I find it interesting when…” or “Isn’t it funny that…” Those count too. The more points you accrue, the more you have to pay up. It’s very difficult NOT to play though, as Cairo routinely offers so many examples of WWTs. It’s a game of Diplomatic tongue-holding.

The plumber arrived eventually, declogged the sink and attempted to show me what he extracted while I tried not to flinch or vomit (drains and dead band-aids make me run for the hills, give me a pile of cat poop or an autopsy any day). Mom and I then succumbed to the power of the “Cairo nap” which takes on an other-worldly depth. We did manage to awake for dinner at Kababgy with Ron and our friend Ben. We ate wonderful Egyptian food and drank Egyptian beer (Stella Gold and Sakara are the two main brands), while dining outside at the southern tip of Zamalek island looking out onto the Nile and the city lights around us. If you ignore the debris floating in the water, it really is quite beautiful.

Picture Pages – Daily Life in Cairo

Without fail, we manage to get at least one really fantastic photo during our weekly commissary runs (sometimes 30). So I thought I’d share some of our favorites.

First, our growing collection of cars, taxis, and stuffed-trucks, and yes, the first one is full of camels.







Houseplant delivery method, just don't turn quickly...

When you forgot rope or bungees, there's nothing better than good-old human determination (and long arms):

Ahh, fresh air-dried laundry...

Who needs Uhaul. Completely overrated:

And you can never get enough of the gargantuan limestone lorries...

Except when they happen to drop a load on an on-ramp...

Our collection of motorcycle scenes is also growing rapidly, and the "family" ones continue to be the most frightening, though the young girl on the back of this first bike seems completely non-plussed:

We saw this for the first time last weekend and fearing I hadn't been able to capture it Ron was willing to make a u-turn on the Corniche to chase it down, but luckily we have documented one of the remaining motorized banana cages..., possibly being driven by Santa Clause.

This one, while not a great photo I admit, is apparently Cairo's wool-delivery service:




The road-side carts and "stalls" or just crates or car hoods continue to offer all manner of fruits and vegetables, and the ever-present bread:






Yes, I believe this is a fresh garlic cart (though I'm not sure what the second guy is doing...)

You have your bananas (those that don't have to be caged, obviously):

Watermelons...

Tea (yum! - not to mention it was on an 8-lane highway so you'd have to be feeling pretty desperate for a cuppa)

Straw, anyone?

And I'm not really sure what he's selling...

As much as we love the "mechanical" sights, it is the people and the daily life scenes that are certainly the most interesting: